In a prior post I mentioned watching Women Talking in early April and feeling all the feelings about it (this one). It was a movie where I wanted to stay in it, reading reviews and interviews long after it ended.
I had a similar experience in early May when (and after) I watched Promising Young Woman, and I thought that these two movies together were an interesting duology.
So here we go! Part movie review, with no spoilers, and part commentary on some cultural aspects, and part navigating this culture.
Women Talking
I watched Women Talking on April 3 because I heard the director in a We Can Do Hard Things podcast episode (transcript) - which does have what can be considered spoilers.
Women Talking is a 2022 film directed by Sarah Polley, a relatively slow and character-driven drama. It’s about the girls and women of an isolated religious community as they talk through their options of staying and doing nothing, staying and fighting, or leaving after men gaslight them about systemic rapes that went on for years. (We’re never shown the rapes; we are shown the bloody and bruised aftermath.) It’s about rage and despair, what forgiveness truly is, systems and status quo, communal healing, respectful listening even while disagreeing, and more.
Here are some notes from when I watched the movie:
I liked how in the beginning men’s faces were rarely pictured, it really visually emphasized how women were the focus and center of this movie. A switch of any (fe)male gaze types of visuals.
It was interested to note when the main male character takes up space and speaks, when his reaction is shown, when he hangs back, and his role among the women.
I was fascinated with how they responded to upset children and how kids behaved (no tantrums, sobbing, whining, etc. - at least, none that were shown). Really respectful and validating emotionally. Also with how the women comforted each other. It was quite beautiful to witness that type of communal comforting.
I really loved how they spoke of their faith and, by implication, their personal relationship with god - it felt very rare in media representation of presenting spirituality so respectfully, and also it resonated with me personally as well (excluding the specific jesus talk #Jewish).
I have some specific questions about the movie (and what wasn’t shown), but they’re too spoiler-y so I won’t be sharing those. My more general questions and/or musings were about the aftermath of violence, “siding” with one person over the other, being the minority standing alone when others choose to go along with the crowd (and what that costs, to your soul/heart), prevention and addressing root problems, and really listening to each other (Level Two and Three listening- which I write about here!).
Promising Young Woman
I watched Promising Young Woman by Emerald Fennell on May 2. It’s a 2020 movie from a Killing Eve showrunner - a dark comedy, revenge fantasy thriller, some romantic comedy, subversive and thought-provoking film. (The title is a play on how people say boys/men accused of sexual assault were promising young men and the girls/women accusing them are rarely spoken of in that way, with all the cultural shame and judicial system set up that can stunt their growth and lives.)
The movie is about ‘nice guys’ who aren’t that nice and sexual assault. (We are never shown the rape.) About so many things - male predators, forgiveness and remorse and excuses, accountability, entitlement, rape culture, trauma, safety, justice, ego, clothing and costumes, and the actual movie direction, production, casting, etc.….
The Promising Young Woman scene discussion of one man consoling another and pretending something bad was okay and even good was so sickening. (The something bad was extremely long and hard to watch.)
A lot was happening! Anything more specific I have to share would be too spoiler-y, so...
Duology
Promising Young Woman (PYW) would be a good movie to watch after Women Talking since it seems like one of the options for what could be done as a response.
I had been reading comments earlier before watching PYW on an Instagram post that had come up in my home feed (sorry, I didn’t save the link) where someone intervened with a man who had, it turned out, abducted a woman on their date. There was a thread in the comments on ways women protect themselves before/during/and after going on a date and it was just so heart wrenching to read. What is placed on the woman and what really needs to be on the man - ‘nice guy’ or no.
It’s all really overwhelming and so easy to go into pessimistic despair about. I had noticed in reading those comments that I’m lucky nothing worse has happened to me, in situations where I was cavalier about my safety or naive about what could have (not) happened. And not giving in to real or perceived fear, and not going into that despair.
It reminded me of manufacturing outrage and how we view the world and other people. Of being really intentional and mindful about what media I’m watching, what I’m listening to, what posts or articles I look at and which I click out of quickly or don’t click/look at at all. News, fiction, everything. It really matters what you allow in. Why are you reading it or watching it? What will it change in your behaviour, what do you want it to do? What positivity and healing will it help or hinder?
It takes diligence to cultivate consumption that helps you move forward towards your goals and how you want to live your days.
I’ll end with some recs that have supported me around these topics:
this conversation on accountability, listening to each other, healthy conflict, and having groups to talk about things to specifically reach a certain place and work it out with people surrounding you, supporting you, validating you and holding you accountable
these specific tips on how to respond to a specific situation, where you have the chance to address the value system - Donald Kaiser on when boys play with dolls (ARC Warrior Instagram Reel, no account needed to view)
Margo Aaron on how values are the lever to use for addressing these problems and the invention of hysterical women and abuse (newsletter/blog article)