**I’m a student in the Life Coach Certificate Program at Rhodes Wellness College part time. This is a post in my Student Diary Series where I share what I’m learning over 6 months from April to September 2023.**
In class on July 4 we learned about beliefs. Beliefs are convictions that we hold to be deeply true.
Core beliefs are fundamental to how we view the world and ourselves. They’re held as essential, absolute truths. They’re unspoken, accepted without question, and underlie our thoughts.
There are also limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are beliefs that we hold about ourselves that are holding us back in some way, that’s limiting our capabilities and abilities. They’re usually untrue, but they feels true because of how long we’ve been holding them.
The limiting belief is typically created as an adaptive coping mechanism to keep us safe as a kid. However, even as an adult it’s still reinforced and defended even if it no longer serves us.
Beliefs determine to what degree we see ourselves as worthy, safe, competent, powerful, and loved. They influence whether we feel fulfilled. And they influence our choices and behaviour.
They can also be changed.
We can interrupt our patterns. We can ask what we’re making things mean when we talk to ourselves, make statements about others and the world, and when we feel painful or uncomfortable emotions.
The Exercises
In class, we worked through a series of questions designed to deconstruct a disempowering belief (Rhodes 2020).
I had to repeat this exercise a few times in Tuesday’s class. And, it turned out that the original limiting belief I choose to unearth, rephrased from a list, wasn’t my true core belief. So my new belief wasn’t sustainable. It was the wrong belief and the new statement wasn’t strong enough to be believed outside of a hyped-up context.
In Thursday’s coaching session, I identified what the true belief was with my regular coaching group and friend.
For this expanded exercise to unearth, identity, and examine a limiting belief, you can do it yourself or with someone else. If you want someone else to ask you the question prompts, choose someone you can be really vulnerable and honest with.
Set aside at least 30 minutes for each exercise, and add in buffer time afterward to decompress and prepare yourself for the rest of your day. Don’t be surprised if difficult emotions come up as you unearth what’s been beneath the surface. Show yourself compassion!
Prepare your note-taking materials (paper, whiteboard, voice recorder/phone app, etc.).
Look for lists online about examples of limiting beliefs.
How to identify the limiting belief
When you review the list(s) of limiting beliefs that you’ve gathered, highlight or write down the statements that speak to you.
Do you agree with it?
Does it cause an emotional reaction?
How do you feel in your body reading it?
(There are probably other questions here too; those are what worked for me.)
Rephrase the statement(s) from your list to put it in your own words.
You can also fill out this prompt from my therapist to come up with your own rephrases:
The world is…
and I am…
Notice how do you feel in your body for each of your statements. How are they landing for you?
Repeat as often as you need to; take your time!
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When you have a limiting belief that feels true to you, here is the exercise to examine it.
How to examine the limiting belief
Answer the following questions:
How is this belief ridiculous or absurd?
Who did this belief originate from? (you, caregiver, role model, another person..?)
Was the person who held this belief worth modeling from in that area?
What are the costs of holding this limiting belief…
physically?
emotionally?
mentally?
spiritually?
financially?
relationally?
communally?
What are the benefits of holding that limiting belief? How is it helping you?
What might your life look like in 5 years if you’re still carrying that belief?
What might your life look like in 5 years if you’ve released that belief?
How did the differences feel in your body? When you compare how you responded to the question about the belief’s costs to the question about its benefits, when you compare how you responded to the question about carrying that belief in 5 years versus releasing it.
How did you notice yourself feeling for each question?
if talking out loud: How did your voice change between questions?
if writing: How did your grip on your pen(cil) change?
How did your posture or body language change?
Are you ready to let that limiting belief go, to fade away and dissolve?
If not, go through the questions again - how is it ridiculous or absurd? How is it helping you?
Repeat as often as you need to; take your time!
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That’s it!
How did it feel after doing an exercise? What did you think about the experience?
Let’s connect if you’d like to have someone nonjudgemental and intuitive take you through this (or another) exercise.
